If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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