Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
