Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
