just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
