I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I AM VODKA MAN
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
