I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
