Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
