Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
