question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
