she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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