He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
