so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
