best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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