yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
