Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
