At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
