Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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