So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
