Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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