took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
