yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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