Where is the hickey?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize