i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
