Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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