Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
