Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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