ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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