I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
