i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
