Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
