2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize