you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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