wanna go halves on a baby?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
that is very illegal...i love you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
