I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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