My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
