i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
