'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
