Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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