the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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