Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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