haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
