Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
