If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
