you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
