i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
