Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize