obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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