I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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