There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
