For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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