in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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