True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize