I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
