It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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