you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
