I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
