Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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