Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
