I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize