Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
