Say something about gay babies.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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