i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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