i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
