I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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