If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
