He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
